“Why don’t you smile? Are you always so defensive?”
“One moment,” I say, “please,”
I step inward and tug at the voices inside me,
I want one of them to answer what had been asked of us.
The strongest among all reaches out and swears,
“Fuck you,” isn’t that what you’ve always neglected to hear?
“Fools”, says another at the way you take offence, “Did you fall for the impassive face, the calm pretence,
Or are you finding some sick, sad comfort in the storm of a river?”
“Why try now? Why question now? Why inspect the innards at the end of a show?
Can you not remain in disbelief and in shock?”
You know what to expect,
I have always already walked the tightrope of disrespect;
I laugh loudly at miserable things,
Uncaring, uncontained and impolite.
I howl and weep at the hurt I’ve endured,
Before those very eyes as they watch helplessly,”
“You should know by heart, by now
That I’ve seldom done what I’m told, and I lash out when flung.”
“My smiles are not needed here, nor your consolation
I demand of you more preparation,
For I will make you relive every bite you’ve taken at my heart,
And I hope your mouths reek slyly of its flesh and lard,”
“Witness your metamorphosis from totem to timid.
While I remain as I have been, ungoverned and livid.”
“Twelve hours a day of will-breaking bureaucracy,
Cannot tame my way or colonise my spirit.
It is the madness of rage that I carry in all my voices,
Even the softest of them resounds sturdily with my untoward choices:
Never to restrain, and also never to let go.”
“Of course I smile, and of course I defend,”
I beam madly as vengeful waves boil inside of my name, fierce and content.
The prophecy had been written the day I began,
The chapped desert of apathy, its unchallenged continuity,
Will breathe its last in the blood of my veins.